Man Seeks Job: Has Experience With Cobras

As a student, it's pretty much a given that I'm strapped for cash.  As an English student, it's also likely to stay that way indefinitely, so it's pretty darn important I'm earning cash, and now.  The thing is, I'm finding that easier said than done. Employment being hard to come by around these parts, I've been thinking outside the box to try and make me some money.  Once you leave the box, though, you find yourself in some pretty scary company if you don't keep your wits about you.  I nearly didn't.  Take heed, fellow vagabonds and jobseekers - this information might save you a lot of time.

Trying to avoide another unemployed summer, I started looking online for the sorts of work you won't find on signs in shop windows.  Turns out, there're vacancies for telesales people spread around the Brighton area - some of them within my reach!  Regardless of their time or experience requirements, I fired up the ol' C.V. and set to work praying.  It was a shot in the dark, but within 24 hours, I had an interview with Blackcode Advertising!  Huzzah!

 I love you, Alexander Graham Bell!

Once that initial excitment had died down, practicalities came to mind.  Having sent of so many C.V.'s off at once, I had no idea what the company did, or how they did it.  Was it even a telesales company?  I was pretty sure it was a telesales company.  I've watched enough Dragon's Den and Apprentice to know that "not doing your homework" costs you dearly, so I got stuck in, and by that I mean I typed the company name into Google.

Naturally, I came across the company website, which is this one.  Not too bad to look at initially, I thought, but a little generic.  Still, they seemed professional looking.  Now, I couldn't find out how exactly I'd be fitting into such a smooth-looking corporate enterprise, but it looked like it paid well!

 It doesn't matter how, just so long as Her Majesty visits my bank account...

Then, though, I saw their "trademark personal advertising approach".  It's something called the "Human Commercial".  Was that what I'd signed up to?  Was I about to have a Nike tick tattooed into the back of my head?  Why couldn't I get any more information from them?  Things were looking dodgy, so I went to the library to do some serious research.

Just kidding, I used Google again.

This turned up a bunch of blogs like this one, which point to a general experience of 100% commission-based, door-to-door misery (there was one very detailed blog I can't find anymore - the poor girl went to an interview, and it sounded awful).  This basically boils down to one simple rule: you don't sell, you don't get paid.

Worse still, it seemed to highlight a parent company, running similar operations all over the country.  It'd explain why Blackcode's website only gave the profiles of two rather young looking executives - they're the only ones there.  No, this rabbit hole goes much deeper than Blackcode.  Everything leads back to the equally ominous-sounding Cobra Group.

 Which, y'know, can only end well...

If the fact that this whole thing now sounds like a cartel of James Bond-esque villains, just Google them.  The first page is filled with stories of scams and underpayment.  They're out to build up small fronts for the business, hire as many door-to-door people as possible, apparently regardless of the viability of continuing the individual company they create.  In short, it's a scam.  I'd be working for peanuts if I was lucky, and, needless to say, I wasn't too enthused.

The next day, I phoned Blackcode back.  I was planning on casually building up the conversation to asking about their involvement with Cobra Group, and how they felt about their recruitment technique (netting everyone who so much as mentions a contact number to them).  It was going to be the next Frost/Nixon.  Unfortunately, British politeness and petrification got in the way, and I simply ended up asking if the job was entirely commission based.  When I was told it was, I declined my interview, and haven't heard from them since.

 Pictured: My intimidation potential

So that's that.  A lot to read, I know, but it needs to be out there.  The Cobra Group are running this all over the UK, and it's not exactly illegal, but not exactly nice.  I wouldn't wish unpaid door-to-door sales on my worst enemy, and anyone who reads this blog has got to count as a friend.  So watch out when jobs seeking, but don't let this disillusion you entirely!  I'm sure there are still plenty of honest jobs out there*!

TTFN!

*N.B.  If you actually find an honest job, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME WHERE I CAN DO THE SAME!

Photos courtesy of jumpinjimminyjava, Jenny Thompson (coincidence!), Laertes, and wallyg, all rights reserved, etc. etc.